OK, I'm going to try. I've sat down at my computer. Photoshop is off. So is GoLive. I've made time and space to sit down and update Sokonotes.

When I returned from Argentina, I was swallowed up by my ambition. For those of you who don't know, the primary reason for returning to the States was to start a photography business, and as you will remember, I went to Korea specifically to raise capital for that venture. I'm not positive that I have enough money, but I'm here and it's going to happen.

Heck, I've already incorporated. if anyone needs a photographer, just call Stephen Jones Photography Inc. The number is on my website, www.notesjones.com.

Starting a business, any business, is an uphill climb. I really had no idea what that climb would be like. I sort of dove into the venture the same way I approached a big mountain on the Appalachian Trai: Well, as the White Blazes go, so go I...

God, I wish it were that easy. If only someone could tell me how to climb this mountain. But when starting a business, everything is left up to you, including the destination. There are no trails, no blazes, and for some people, no summit. Sometimes my parents, who run a business of their own, half-jokingly lament that they will work until they die. They'll be climbing forever.

I don't want to climb forever, and I've discovered that the key to summiting the climb is deciding where the top will be far in advance.

Like any climb on the trail, the hard work of starting a business is good work, rewarding in so much as it feels like I am finally in control over my life. I don't feel like I am mindlessly spinning my wheels for someone else. As a free-lance photographer, I set my own prices, I decide how much work to do and I keep my copyright. Oh, and I can say 'no.'

Saying 'no' feels good, almost as good as saying 'yes.' When I say 'yes,' I get paid. When I say 'no' I feel like I am setting my own course. I don't have to take every dumb assignment some desk jockey thinks up while wolfing down donuts. But if I want to take that dumb assignment, and that desk jockey wants it down bad enough, I can set my own price, and that price is damn high!

So far, I haven't taken any dumb assignments. Being your own boss has it's advantages. It has it's disadvantages, too. I don't get overtime. In fact, I don't get paid at all. I haven't cut myself a check in two months, but I work all the time. How long has it been since last I updated?

I am a ruthless self-employer. Whenever I try to sit down and relax, there is a little voice in the back of my head admonishing me. Shouldn't you be using this time to work on your website? Prepare mailers? Call clients? Keep up with your books? Deal with that printing error? Even now, sitting at my computer writing this blog, it distracts me. Is writing this blog really nessisary? Does anyone really read it, anyway?

But it isn't about that. It's about taking time for myself.

When you don't take time for yourself, when you don't relax, your days begin to run together. Eat, sleep, wake, shower, shave, work, run, teach, tone, print, call, drive, eat, sleep, wake, shower, don't shave, work, run, breakfast, and on and on and on and on until one day you wake up and it's Friday. How is it Friday? Do I have plans? Oh, I have that football game for the Gwinnett Daily Post. Shit.

Better cancel that date.

Some weeks the only time I had to myself was the seven or eight hours I slept. What is funny is that I do a lot of catching up in my sleep. I've had dreams where I am hiking, going out with friends, even watching movies. I've had dreams where I've sat by the Chatooga and fished for trout, dreams where I am drinking a beer with Gavin, dreams where I've been at a concert with Wes.

Luckily, I've realized that if I do take time for myself, I am a better photographer for it. It's hard, but it has to happen. No one can live a life so unbalanced for so long without going mad. So I make a few hours available every night to watch TV with my folks, or go to Trivia Night with my sister, or high Stone Mountain with Jennifer. I am also going to try and make room for blogging. Look for update, however irregular, every few weeks. I'll include photos from the assignments I've taken.

Oh, and I plan on finishing the blog on Argentina. Just let me finish this website first, which I need to go work on now...

Peace.

--Notes